The Rabbit and the Turk
by DARK PLATYPUS
Summary: OMG YAAAY! IT'S FINISHED! I'VE FINALLY FINISHED TEH FANFIC! AND the new and final chapter is up! so please and enjoy this fanfic! don't forget to review! RenoxTifa RULES! XD
1. Chapter 1

The Rabbit and the Turk  
by DARK PLATYPUS 

**disclaimer: hello, hello this is just me saying that i do not own FFVII because if i did, let's just say there wouldn't be an advent children!**

**welcome, welcome this is my first ever Reno/Tifa fanfic so i hope u enjoy, please review after this enjoy... p.s. sorry if there are any spelling mistakes or just any mistakes at all!**

Tifa Lockhart frantically tore through the dark, empty alley her gasps becoming swifter but heavy with exhaustion suddenly she halted to a stop her legs now aching with lethargy, giving in to the syrupy temptation of looking back her eyes were greeted to an empty alley a black kitten crawling out from the trash can- the carcass of a fish trapped in its mouth.

"I lost him" an eased sigh passed her lips, the kitten slowly trotted to her feet, meowing loudly as its body rubbed boldly against her leg. Laughing heartily she cradled the kitten in her arms and began to stroke its furry midnight stained head, she giggled as the kitten responses to her strokes was loud purring. "Yeah, I lost him…for now" her streak of respite was crushed as worry soon drifted to conscious. Yuffie was right; from the start it was a bad idea! Then again going to the SHINRA annual party to obtain info of their new shenanigans was in fact a bad idea! Especially when she was the one going undercover as a hired lap dancer! The plan was perfectly planned-like a recipe for the ultimate Black Forest gateau! All she had to do was go to the party as a hired lap dancer named "Honey bunny", perform a lap dance for the "naughty wolves" of SHINRA and finally putting her skills as a hostess to good use she'd wean out the info from one of the drunken male Turks or even better the charismatic president himself but not everything goes all to plan in fact it all turned out wrong! Though the good aspects were that the "older" members decided to hit the Golden Saucer for a bingo tournament so it was only Rufus and the Turks who stayed at the venue but in the end they all plummeted to their dooms like flies, it all started when Rude suffered a nose bleed which had almost frightened her to death, "I guess giving Rude a lap dance was a bad idea after all" she sighed as she remembered the look on the bald Turk's face as she straddled him, rubbing her body against his unfortunately her performance was cut short as he sprinted to the bathroom and never came out. Tseng was last seen lying on the floor like a corpse, a lampshade concealing his head while Elena and Rufus were being intoxicated by the authentic margaritas in other words they got smashed- hard. Yep everyone was just about smashed apart from Rude who was probably having a good wank or fainted during the process of cleaning his nose…everyone except him…Reno! Her face plunged into a deep red blush as she began to remember her lap dance performance, she had put on the full works just for him and him only, she pressed her large breasts against his chest, straddling him sighing as she performed her sultry lap dance, she could feel his scorching breath on her skin as he held her close, his tongue swarming down her neck, she remembered how hard his arousal felt as it pressed against her, normally she would have moved away revolted however her only response to his erection was petting the redhead's penis whilst licking her lips hungrily. When she thought about it she was quite pleased to have taken the lap dancing lessons from Sierra. She felt embarrassed by her attire since it consisted of a white lace strapless bra, a black thong garnished with a bunny tail, red high heels and her head crowned with a pair of bunny ears with a outfit like hers she could steal any man's heart in fact she remembered how Yuffie pummeled the living daylights out of the male members of AVALANCHE because they wouldn't stop ogling at Tifa. Suddenly the kitten's head bobbed up- it's ears erected with alertness, she gasped as the black kitten leaped from her arms and galloped into the darkness. without warning hands from behind seized her breasts squeezing them hard, fingers entrenching into her nipples, "I've got you finally" the redheaded Turk breathed into her long midnight hair inhaling the sweet scent of her hair, enjoying the sweet scent of her body. "You're even more hotter when the moon shines on you" he planted a light kiss against her cheek, his hands slowly moving stealthily towards her thong-desperate to make her scream. "You can never run away from me" he made a sexual growl as his fingers squeezed her wet nub, and like a twig bent to its extent Tifa snapped! She had just about had enough of Reno's lecherous antics and enough was enough! "Yeah fucking right!" she smiled evilly as her heel stabbed into his foot followed by Reno's profanities! "Not bad Tifa but I was expecting something a bit more harsh" suddenly he swore out loud once more as Tifa ruthlessly tackled him- his head hitting the wall firmly! "Shit, not so hard!" he hissed from the painful throbbing that welled in his head but his pain was soon averted as he felt the softness of her breasts pressing into his chest! "I'm not as innocent as you think I am" she whispered licking his ear seductively, "now talk" her soft whisper became a harsh demanding tone, making his erection harder- he always found Tifa sexy when she played the icy dominatrix it was just one of many turn-ons he had for Tifa and her whispers made him more desperate to ravish her. "And if don't?" still bearing remains of his well-known cockiness. he tensed himself as Tifa's slender fingers seized his erected arousal, sliding her hand up and down-her hand movements becoming faster and even harder, she glared at him, her chocolate dyed eyes filled with a dark, twisted sexual vice "I'll see to it that I personally mutilate your dick" she purred coldly moaning pleasurably as his penis grew even harder. Reno made a deep aroused sigh as her hand job became a blend of pleasure and pain, "that's what you think" he grinned devilishly as his hands pressed onto her rear making escape for her futile! "No fair!" she pouted, her hands now pressed onto his warm, sweaty chest. "Life's a bitch doll-face get used to it" he wolf-whistled once more at her attire, his hands and fingers pulling off incredible magic on Tifa's rear silencing her lovely moans with kisses. "Jackpot" he grinned as he skillfully pulled down her thong revealing her naked rear, "no!" she screeched as she felt his fingers pumping into her wet vagina. "Please stop" she begged, her arms coiled around his neck, her fingers losing itself in his crimson soiled hair, she let out a lustful sigh as he pulled his fingers out, "taste" he murmured, forcing his juice soaked fingers into her mouth, he chuckled as he watched her suck hungrily- when she wanted to be dirty she could-just one of the many things Reno had envied Cloud for, he moved his fingers away from her mouth holding her tightly-making sure she didn't collapse. "Don't move" Reno muttered as he pulled out a knife, Tifa shuddered as he slid the cold blade under her bra ripping it in two- her bra dropped to the ground she was now completely defenseless against him. "Nice set babe!" his wolf-whistle was slow this time, his eyes lingered onto her erected nipples, desperate for a man's attention- to have a man suckling onto her nipple. "Very nice" he squeezed her breasts, pressing them together, kneading them slowly, teasingly! Tifa moaned in ecstasy, relishing this sensation, her eyes widened as Reno forced his lips onto hers, enjoying the taste of her lips, her hand pressed onto his head urging him to deepen their kiss. suddenly something fell down her throat- a pill? A drug? She drew back, her hands covering her bare chest staring at him in horrified anger as he struck his casual pose licking his lips lustfully at her. "Not bad doll-face, looks like Cloud isn't giving you much love eh?" he straightened his tie, walking closer to where she stood, cornering her "the pill only works on chicks, pretty big on the black market" he revealed a blue and red pill decorated with yellow stars. "I wonder when it'll start to kick in" he smirked, she may have been cornered and naked but if she played her cards right she knew that if a fight was going to break out chances were Reno would be too busy ogling her body to defend himself…or his crown jewels for that matter. "You're finished!" She growled, in the blink of an eye she lunged at him tackling him to the floor if Tifa didn't have such a bloodthirsty expression on her face this moment would've been seen as comical- a Turk having the crap pummeled out of him by a naked girl _thank fuck Rude isn't here to see **this!**_ Reno thought to himself then again if Rude were here he would've died from fatal nosebleed! As Tifa was about to kill him with a punch she froze, her body had now became heavy with fatigue, a fever broke out leaving her panting for cool air _was the night this hot?_ She could barely bring her thoughts together. She realized it wasn't the heat of the night but the drug taking its toll! The last image she had before collapsing was Reno's turquoise eyes staring into her hypnotically. "Should've told her that anger speeds up the effects" he dressed her in his waistcoat, not wanting the poor angel to freeze her arse off, he hoisted her into his arms and carried her off into the darkness, "the night's not over yet doll-face" his tongue caressing her ear. "The night has just begun!"


	2. Chapter 2

Tseng aroused himself from his alcohol-induced doze with a pain-stabbing headache, his head truly felt like badger's arse, as Reno would say when he suffered a hangover, as he woke up he saw Rude mopping the trail of blood he left as he sprinted to the toilets, "Tseng, are you alright?" Tseng's eyes widened as he felt the acid licks of bile crawl through his gullet he shoved Rude aside as he skillfully leapt over the mop and dashed into the toilet slamming the door behind, "somehow I'm glad I did faint" sighed Rude, a groan emitted from the sofa as Elena woke up- her head throbbing in agony, "what time is it Rude?" she groaned rubbing her head, hoping it would soothe the raging pain in her head, Rude stared at the clock "it's only midnight" he turned to the mens toilet door and then to Elena shaking his head, "christ you guys suck at drinking! It takes more than a measly punch bowl of margarita to get me and Reno wasted!" he sighed in annoyance as he put the mop away. "Speaking of Reno, where is he?" she mumbled, Rude scratched his bald head, striving to piece together what had happened before he fainted, a smile crept on his face as memories flooded back to him, memories of that beautiful lap-dancer, she bore such an impeccable resemblance to his brunette beauty, making her more desirable. He drew out a black Dictaphone, pushing into the red button he spoke into the speaker "note to myself: finish writing those sonnets to Tifa" he released the button and slid the Dictaphone into his pocket suddenly a shrill scream emitted from Elena as the blonde realized that she was on top of Rufus! She leapt off him quickly and began to recollect what had happened before she keeled over unfortunately the only thing she could remember was her and Rufus bobbing for apples in the margarita bowl all while getting smashed as well, "I can't believe I slept with Rufus Shinra" her cheeks flushed red, "I wanted my first to be with Tseng though" suddenly a muffled curse was heard by Rufus as he pulled himself up from the sofa, "first of all, we did not have sex! And secondly where the hell is Tseng and Reno!" he snapped angrily, however his moment of "being the boss" was cut short as he held his head in pain, "my head hurts" he pouted childishly! Suddenly Tseng popped out from the toilet, holding a wet tissue to his head, "good question sir, where **is** Reno?" Elena snorted spitefully, "I bet he went off with that slutty lap dancer!" they all froze and stared at Elena, a deafening and intimidating silence wafted throughout the party room suddenly the silence was then shattered as Tseng held a handful of money and sighed, "I didn't even get my lap dance", Rufus scowled at Rude, "yeah, well she would've given me one if baldie didn't have a friggin' nosebleed". "Back off, she was sexy and you know it!" Rude retorted his cheeks flaring crimson, "like that Lockhart girl wouldn't you say sir?" drawled Tseng, Elena then slammed her fist into her palm "of course that trashy whore probably sneaked in here disguised as a hired lap dancer to find out our plans and then her bastard friends from AVALANCHE would've come and screwed up our projects!" she shouted in realization. Yet another silence drifted by, all the men glaring at the blonde, amazed at her deductive skills or not? Unfortunately her triumph was crushed as the men all began to roar with laughter, "nice try Sherlock, but if that was the case wouldn't she have been caught?" Rufus jeered mockingly at Elena, "that's why she disguised herself as a hired lap dancer!" retorted the blonde, the men all ceased their laughter and stared at each other. "We've got a long night ahead of us," sighed Rufus, the blonde, charismatic president held his head in pain hissing and muttering profanities as the headache became even worse than it was when he woke up to Elena's screams! "But first let's find something to deal with this headache!"


	3. APOLOGIES!

**SORRY!!!! **

Hello people

you may have known me as the dudette behind the fanfic The Rabbit and the Turk.

Well this is just me saying sorry for the late update.

It's an incredibly long story which involves me losing my USB- thingy which contained documents important to me (including the fanfic) so for a while I was a bit sad and had no inspiration but thanks to my brother letting me play final fantasy 7 on his PSP I feel seriously inspired and so I have finished the fanfic.

Now all I have to do is find a way of getting the fanfic from my ancient but beloved PC and onto So please wish me luck!

Anyway thanks for your reviews and please be patient for the update! bows really, really low

Also thanks to final fantasy 7 and two of my fave TsengxElena fanfics I feel inspired to do a fanfic about these two cute lovebirds!

EVERYBODY PLEASE WAIT FOR ME

Love Usa-tan a.k.a. Dark platypus (or how ever the damn username is spelt!)

XXX

p.s. RENOXTIFA RULES!!!!


	4. THE LAST STRETCH OMG XD

**Author's note:  
hi sorry for being so abscent but here it is finally! yep to be honest i had to change this chapter as i was quite unhappy with the last one, enjoy my OC Medusa (the inspiration of this character was from a hentai called cool devices!) please enjoy this last part of the fanfic! and don't forget to review **

The door swung open revealing a tall, ravishing woman robed in a dark cloak and an elaborate feathered mask. "Ah, Reno darling" she drawled in a well-pronounced accent- indicating that she was of proud nobility. "So good to see you again my dear" she purred, punctuating her sentence by licking her lips slowly and seductively, her eyes widened she suddenly realized that he wasn't alone as usual and her eyes widened as she saw a pretty girl lying in his arms, "and this was the gent who swore on vodka and bloody Mary that he hasn't hit a girl" she giggled softly as her long, slender fingers reveled in Tifa's soft hair. "Relax Medusa, the girl's just had her first hit" he murmured, "she'll wake up soon" he quickly planted a swift kiss on Tifa's cheeks only to have his hair grabbed by this tall, beauty who called herself Medusa, "**lady** Medusa" she scolded sharply! Her hands clasped onto Tifa's cheeks, her eyes gazing at her beauty, "how lovely and innocent she looks". "from the way you're talking you sound like you want to do one of your dress-up stuff on her" Reno made a concerned expression at Medusa only to droop into a lecherous smile, "want to?" he grinned. Medusa gently took Tifa from his arms and into hers, "what a gentleman you are" she laughed as she slowly sauntered down the colored, silent halls- her soft laughter echoing through the corridors. "Well, time to party!" he sighed- trudging into the halls- looking for the bleak, black door.

The thick haze of scented jasmine and heavy sex slowly roused Tifa from her deep sleep. The first thing that had come to her, the moment her mind grasped reality was the music- a stirring, erotic saxophone piece echoed through the room. She gasped as she soon realised that she wasn't alone- in fact the room was filled with people, people clothed in long dark robes and their faces obscured by extravagant masks embellished with plumes of colored feathers. Laughter and chatter drifted aimlessly through the room as they sipped their cocktails and dined on hors d'oeuvres of strawberries dipped in the sweetest or most bitter chocolate or even in cream. What on earth was she doing at a party? A normal, bona fide party! Although Tifa Lockhart soon realised that this wasn't any usual party! The party was far from normal or bona fide! What had caught her eye was a stage! As there was jazz playing in the background she would expect a beautiful singer to be on the stage- wowing the crowd with her sweet voice.

Instead the stage was graced with a girl dancing however the girl was in fact naked! And her dance was like the song of the saxophone- sexy, slow and sensual. "where am I?" she pondered quietly before suddenly screeching in fright as she was now clad in a saucy and erotic maid uniform- her crown of bunny ears still in place, her hands held in pink, fluffy handcuffs. "ah you've finally awakened my dear" the voice was haughty, rich and promiscuous making Tifa gasp as the tall beauty Medusa towered over her, robed in white underwear plumed with angel wings finally finished with a snowy feather boa. Her hair was long and pale as her attire with dark, inky highlights. "your eyes" her fingers crept over her face with the grace of a spider, "its color reminds me of chocolate" her giggle was soft and soothing coaxing Tifa to relax. "Welcome to Starry Night, my pet" Medusa made a cunning smile, punctuating her sentence with her hands caressing Tifa's ample mounds. "Aaaahh" Tifa sighed- looking away as her mind drowned in pleasure and shame.

Suddenly a tall, rather odd gentleman crept to the two ladies carrying a medic box. "Ah I never would've thought I would see you here?" that voice was strangely familiar _could it be-?_ Tifa pondered at the strange similarity of the voice- also the syringe that was raised only inches away from her arm. "Become a slave to your desires" the long, skinny blade plunged into her skin! The ruby colored liquid sinking into her skin. Tifa moaned softly as she thrust her head back, her carnal aches too much to bear! Her breaths were short, hungry gasps. She wanted cock! She needed cock! She craved for flesh! But she only yearned for his! "I see the drug is already starting to kick in" Medusa cradled Tifa's chin in her palm- "Welcome to our world" she sneered all the while enjoying the lustful despair that had claimed her lovely prey. "so you think you can play nicely this time honey?" as the drug became to take its effects on her, Tifa soon noted that everything seemed so stirring, so sensitive to her- like voices. As she heard Reno's voice she sighed deeply- wanting to melt in his arms yet wanting also to feel his searing seed inside her. She nodded obediently, planting her lips on his- moaning softly as their tongues engaged in the erotic dance of love.

_2 days later…_

Tifa drew long sighs, yes- she was glad to see everyone especially Cloud and she felt great to be working as a bar maid rather from being a lap dancer to a sexy maid. But somehow in the end she felt…empty…not yet whole. Suddenly she had begun to think back…back on that night of mixed feelings and heavy sex:

He could've taken me by his bike or car, but in the end they had decided it would be much better to walk as the full moon was high in the star scattered sky. After experiencing slow, sensual sex and a threesome that broke out into a full-scale orgy- the couple had decided best to keep quiet and so silence loomed over the duo, "uhh…you know you'd really make a good lap dancer" Reno had uttered sheepishly- his cheeks glowing red. "if anyone should be doing the blushing it's me" Tifa remarked harshly, "I didn't want to take you like that! you deserved so much more" in a bid to hide his embarrassment and guilt, he placed his palm onto his mouth- hoping not to reveal his emotions. Her eyes had widened as she drew a long, sharp gasp, as his words pierced into her cool, icy barrier- melting it. Would Cloud say that to me? does he still choose Aerith over me? He hasn't even got over her death yet! she pondered and pondered until she could only fall into Reno's arms weeping. "I love Cloud, my conscious keeps telling me that me and him were meant to be but my-!" Reno's lips pressed onto hers- reveling in the sweetness of her strawberry lip gloss, his voice had fell to deep, sexy murmur making her shudder- smiling proud as he knew that he didn't need a drug to make her feel this horny! "your heart" he purred- his hands pressing on her chest "what does your heart say?" Tifa could only whisper- her voice choked in tears; "go with the baddie?" her answer had made Reno emit a soft chuckle as he planted a soft, affectionate kiss on her cheek.

"yep, go with the baddie" Tifa giggled softly, it was 11:30- 7th heaven usually closed later but from today it would have to start closing little bit earlier.

The streets were empty tonight. cold, dark and lonely- a living metaphor of herself. Each day constantly trying to earn Cloud's affection and yet she always seemed to fail. "Cloud, where did we go wrong? I wish you hadn't fell" she sighed turning her back on the bar and heading towards the seedier ends of the slums. The heels of her black stripper shoes clacked on the concrete creating a clamorous echo, tonight she decided to go in a small black cocktail dress- that just barely covered her rear and had put her gorgeous legs on display. What she was doing should have filled her with guilt- she was practically sleeping with the enemies, she was betraying her comrades and all this, all of this would be the price she would pay just for a second chance of love, to feel cherished and wanted. "Love is such a bitch" Tifa made an annoyed tut that suddenly into a yelp for help as an arm yanked her into a black stretch limo. "you're late ms. Lockhart" he had that sexy murmur on which had made Tifa breathless, as she felt her mind swim in an ocean of frenzied lust. "is there anyway I can convince you not to punish me sir?" she questioned so coy and innocent as she slowly and sensually straddled him. "perhaps a lap dance"

Meanwhile at the Shinra HQ 

"that bonehead arse wipe Reno has some nerve not to show up for the review of the annual dinner party!" muttered Tseng- moaning and sighing as he was completely at mercy to Elena's expert massaging skills, "lower please Ms. Elena" he sighed- moaning once more as he felt his body unwind by the touch of her slender, fingers. "You know Tseng that moaning is quite disturbing" Rude had stated with a raised eyebrow. Suddenly the door flew open as Rufus entered in- or in this case he stormed in with a brooding expression! "the stupid hotel thinks they can charge I, Rufus Shinra 10 million gil just for using their damn facilities!?" he suddenly snapped his head towards Tseng, "Tseng, send some of the younger turks to have a chat with the manager". Tseng suddenly put on a focused and serious aura, "shall I make it quick? Or slow?" Rufus downed a small bottle of water before turning to Tseng, "make it quick! Just pummel him to a pulp and then send his wife and kids a ham or something". Elena raised her hands into the air, "well, since the evening is so nice…" she hesitated as she slowly muttered "why don't we eat out tonight?". Rufus froze, expressionless before smiling and replying in a chirpy voice "that's a great idea!!". And so Elena, Rude and Rufus broke into a debate on whether to eat at a Korean BBQ restaurant or a chic sushi bar until Tseng shattered the entire debate, leaving the Shinra HQ in a mist of silence. All because of uttering the question: "where's the limo?"

**End!**


End file.
